Experience on the Berlin S-Bahn
Yesterday , after a long time, I once again had the pleasure, travelling on the Berlin S-Bahn. I got on the S9 at BER airport in the direction of Treptower Park with quite a bit of enthusiasm. At the railway track I was informed directly, that due to an incident involving personal injury, the line between between Warschauer Straße and Ostbahnhof was temporarily closed. This did nothing to dampen my spirits. As so often, I listened to music on my headphones on the train.
Encounter with an aggressive passenger
I noticed a passenger shouting aggressively with a beer bottle in his hand. Unfortunately, I couldn’t hear who he was actually talking to or what he was saying. What was interesting was the behavior of the other passengers, some of whom looked bashfully at the floor or tried to avoid eye contact. After I had taken the precaution of switching off my music, I realized that the passenger was swearing at me and trying to provoke me. I was shocked. I don’t want to mention the insults at this point, but they were extremely violent.
What should I do now?
Responding directly to the insults might be the first idea that comes to mind. However, I had the feeling that this would only escalate the spiral of violence. The second idea was to call the police. But again, I thought that this might only fuel the conflict and possibly provoke a violent reaction.
I decided to simply ignore the rowdy passenger. Unfortunately, this also seemed to be taken as further provocation. The insults became more violent. Adrenaline shot through my body. My body was in fight mode, whether I wanted to or not.
I decided to get out of the situation by getting up and leaving. I was shouted at after me. Fortunately, the rowdy beer drinker didn’t come after me. For the rest of the journey, I thought about whether my decision had been the right one. I realized that I had a certain amount of anger towards this person inside me.
Ich wusste nicht, was dieser Mensch erlebt haben musste. Da er mich aber offensichtlich ohne Grund aggressiv anging, musste etwas aus der Vergangenheit dafür gesorgt haben, dass dieser Mann in dem Moment so aggressiv war. Sofort setzte bei mir Mitleid ein. Das Mitleid ersetzte komplett meine Wut auf diese Person und die in mir aufsteigende eigene Aggression.
Would there have been another option?
I even wondered whether there might not have been a way, to ask the bully in a gentle voice if I could do something for him. Maybe that would have eased the whole situation .
It is difficult to judge.
But the fact is that by leaving the situation, I at least got away without any further trouble.
try to understand the other person
What do I learn from this?
My reaction was the right one .
And that ‘s actually even more important: Before you respond to the provocation yourself and become aggressive and do what you actually want to fight, what you actually want to fight, you should try to understand the other person. Why is he like that? Even if I didn ‘t experience that in this case , it helped me to turn anger into compassion. This helped me to put the situation behind me relatively quickly. In the past , I have thought about a similar situation situation, I thought about such an incident for days.
What does all this have to do with the other counsellors?
A lot! It is also often very helpful in our coaching work , when we look at the whole project from the outside, from a different perspective. Of course, you can also try this on your own. However , the help of someone else, who is not directly involved is always valuable.
As coaches, we help you to gain a clear perspective and see ourselves as sparring partners. Our job is to open up new perspectives, ask questions and thus encourage reflection. This enables us to find the best possible solutions together.
Although everyone is able to analyze their own situation, the external perspective of a coach offers additional insights and clarity.
